Please accept this letter as notification of my intent to return to work following my maternity leave..."
Thats it. The letters are written. There's a massive knot in my stomach as I seal the envelopes, one to my ward Sister, one to HR, and contemplate posting them.
My maternity leave is nearly at an end. And I'm really sad about it.
It's not that I don't want to return to work. I love my job. Being a nurse is rewarding in so many ways, and before I left I always said I'd probably be desperate to get back to work. But that was before I found out that being a mum was much more rewarding.
But in speaking to some of my colleagues all is not well on the ward. More changes, more staff cuts, morale is extremely low. They're not exactly endearing me to go back. And there's always the threat of being moved to another ward as the management are constantly swapping staff around. I like the ward I work in, I don't want to work in another. I constantly dread getting a phone call from work to say I'm the one being moved.
If we could afford it, I wouldn't go back, or at least I would go back part time. But we can't. Not just now. It's complicated as hubby and I both work unpredictable shifts. We can't plan child care any further than 4 weeks in advance, so nurseries wouldn't suit us. I'm very lucky that my mum is retiring soon and she and dad have offered to look after Samantha while we are at work.
I'm hoping to take my annual leave prior to returning to work, so I'll be back at the end of October. It seems far away just now but I know it will go so quickly.
Samantha will be six months old tomorrow. How time flies! She's changing every day, although she's still small for her age. She's just outgrowing 0-3 clothes and is still just a bit wee for 3-6 months clothes. We can't leave her on the floor for more than two minutes for she's rolled her way right to the opposite end of the room. She finds fake hiccups hilarious, she laughs if you laugh, and she waves if you say hiya or tata! But the best thing is she has begun to babble, and her daddy is so chuffed that she shouts "dada dada dada" all the time. She makes noises that sound like "hiya" "yeah" and "grandad" (according to my dad!).
I love watching her grow, and I'll be gutted when I have to leave her to go to work. But it's 3 months away, so let's not think about it yet, yeah?