Saturday, 11 September 2010

The Alternative Medical Dictionary

As a nurse, I found this amusing.

Just thought I'd share :)

Artery:                    The study of paintings.

Bacteria:                 The back door of the cafeteria

Barium:                   What they do when patients die.

Bowel:                     The letters A E I O and U

Caesarian Section:  A Neighbourhood in Rome.

CAT Scan:             Search for lost kitty.

Cauterise:              Eye contact with her.

Coma:                    Punctuation mark

D+C:                     Where Washington is.

Dilate:                   To live longer.

Enema:                 Not a friend.

Fester:                  Quicker

Genital:                 Not a Jew.

GI Series:             A soldiers ball game.

Hangnail:              Coat hook.

Impotent:              Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain:        Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff:     Doctors cane.

Morbid:               Higher offer.

Nitrates:             Cheaper than day rates.

Node:                 Was aware of.

Out Patient:         A person who has fainted.

PAP Smear:        A fatherhood test.

Pelvis:                 Elvis' cousin.

Recovery Room:  A place to do upholstery.

Secretion:          Hiding something.

Seizure:             Roman emperor.

Tablet:              Small table.

Terminal Illness:  Getting sick at work.

Tumour:           More than one

Urine:              Opposite of "you're out".

Vein:                Conceited.

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